We recently came across a blog post from www.CreatingaFamily.org, titled Being Adopted: Making Peace with Being Blessed and Being Abandoned. It was written by Barbara DeMers, and it shines a light on the complicated feelings many adopted individuals experience. Can being adopted be a blessing, while also being a loss? At our agency, we’d say this isn’t an “either/or” situation, but a “both/and” situation. Meaning, adoption can be a blessing AND a loss, not simply one or the other.
It’s usually easy to recognize the blessings in adoption: a couple adding a child to their family, a child in need finding a loving forever family, or a child growing up with financial and/or relational stability. The losses can be easy to ignore: a child’s connection to their biological family, information about biological family history, or having answers to questions about why you were placed for adoption. As adoptive parents, it can be hard to reconcile these losses when we want our children to feel happy, satisfied, and complete in their adoptive status and in our families. And this isn’t to say this is impossible! The first step is recognizing that both of these feelings can be present at different times in our children’s lives.
Take a few minutes to read this article by Ms. DeMers. We’d love to hear what you think! And if you or your child are struggling with feelings you think may be adoption related, remember that we have experienced social workers who are here to help! Call or email us to find out more about our Adoption Related Services and Counseling. These services are open to any family touched by adoption, whether the adoption was completed through our agency or through another avenue.